“Do You Work?”
January 25th, 2010 | Author: Melissa Ingold
Many times in the past, I’ve found myself in a position where I was asked about my career background, or do I work, what do I do, and all the other ways of asking if someone if they have a job.
For a long time I just said I was at home with my kids, because it was too complicated to get into with someone who has a 1% chance of knowing what you’re talking about. But as the world of technology continued to advance at an incredibly fast rate, and it was getting rare to hear of anyone who didn’t use the Internet, I become more outspoken about what I did.
Even so, the first time I decided to speak up and answer with a, “Yes, I work at home,” when asked if I worked. It felt great to get it out there, to feel like I was more than just somebody’s mom. And looking back, I’m not sure what I expected, but the response I received in return just made me feel like a complete moron…
First she laughed like she found the whole idea hilarious, and then went on to babble about how being at home with the kids is work, it’s the hardest job there is, and blah, blah, blah. I was speechless. Did she really think that I considered my choice to be at home with my kids as work?
And much to my disappointment, that wasn’t a fluke reaction. In fact, everyone thought the same thing – that I wasn’t talking about the work I do at home to make money, but rather that being at home with my kids was the work.
Slowly my answer to the big question evolved to where I would say, “Yes, I’m in marketing,” and most of the time it would get left at that. If they wanted to know where I actually did this ‘marketing’ work, I would tell them my home office to which they would say “oh” and that would be that.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been asked the “do you work” question, so I was caught off guard this past Friday.
Now that my kids are older and comfortable going to the dentist, I made the decision to move them from the child-oriented dentist located over an hour away to my local dentist. This was no big deal, but since my last check-up less than 9 months ago, my dentist sold his practice to another dentist in the same building, which means she took over his patients and I hadn’t yet met anyone in her office.
That day, after the hygienist was done with my son, she asked me to come back to meet the new dentist and as we were waiting for the dentist to finish with another patient, she was asking me questions, during which I told her I had 3 kids the youngest just shy of 19 months old. But the questions eventually led to asking if I worked, and without thinking I said I work at home. You guessed it; she thought I was referring to my kids.
So I have to wonder, is the offline working world still completely clueless about the online one?
Or does it go deeper than that…
Do people working regular offline jobs simply refuse to believe that someone without much of an educational or working background, can work from their home a few hours a week, and make a six figure income, because it’s…unfair?
Personally, I think it’s a little of both. A lot of people really are unaware of the online business world, and the potential it has to help you create the lifestyle you want. And then some are just plain ‘ole spiteful about your claims of working at home.
Nevertheless, here you are. YOU chose to see hope and be inspired by the impossible. To question “work” in the normal sense, and become conscious of what you really wanted from your life.
Do you shuffle along the same worn and predictable path as everyone else; or step off of it into the unknown and forge your own path?
Somewhere among the ignorant and unpleasant feedback to what you do, you find peace with who you are, what you’re doing, and how you choose to live your life. How others decide to see you shouldn’t matter because you know what’s real and right for you; and you can smile knowing that you had the courage to break the mold and shape your life into whatever you wanted it to be.
So here’s to following your dreams no matter how much everyone else wants to hold you back!
All my best,
Posted in 30 Responses to ““Do You Work?””
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Twitter: tishialee
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Great post Melissa. Shortly after I started working from home I actually had a lady say to me (when I told her I worked from home in my home office) oh you mean you sit around all day on the couch watching soap operas and eating bon bons. (she may have said ice cream and not bon bons…I don’t remember but it was some sort of remark along those lines). I was stunned. I didn’t even know how to react other than laugh. I don’t even try to explain it to people anymore because they just don’t get it and it frustrates me. lol
Twitter: Marya_Miller
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I’m working right now – but I couldn’t resist stopping for a few seconds to answer this post when your email came in, Melissa.
Whenever anyone asks me “Do you work”, I too say, “Yes, I work at home” – but I’ve learned to launch cheerily into my two-line elevator speech about what I do. It’s lead to some pleasant and sometimes useful conversations (as well as a couple of speaking gigs at local organizations).
However, I have to confess, I do run into my share of annoying people too. I’m in a wheelchair, and there have been several times when I’ve answered that I work at home when people have blithely blurted out noticeably syrupy, over-bright comments like: “That’s great, it must give you something to DO…” – or (even worse) immediately assumed they can give me a project to do for free, just to keep me “occupied”. “You know, I need some help sewing badges on my kids’ brownie uniforms, that would give you something to do…” (It’s the phrase “something to do” that triggers me.)
Gahhh!
Mind you, once I cheerily quote my rates, that usually stops ‘em cold.
Not all my work is done from home but even as a voiceover people look at me blankly and some even say “Is that a real job?”
I think it is simply that many people lack the imagination to realise there are jobs that don’t involve the 9 to 5. They expect people to go to offices, shops, building sites etc. to work, not studios or home offices.
Even my own family thought that working online involved some sort of shady dealings so I hardly expect strangers to understand.
When I get uncomprehending replies, sometimes I try to explain, but generally I just smile to myself and think how lucky I am to enjoy such a fantastic, creative, out-of-the-ordinary career!
Actually, it’s the wife asking that question. LOL
It drives me nuts when she asks me to do personal stuff during the day, when I need to be building my sites. I think sometimes she assumes that I’m just on here goofing off. Ok, sometimes I am
Twitter: jenknox
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This might seem like just a small distinction, but I say that I work FROM home rather than AT home and people seem to get it right away that I’m doing a job in my home other than take care of kids.
I know it sounds like it doesn’t make much of a difference, but when you think about it, it sort of does. Working AT home implies the work IS the home whereas, working FROM home implies that the location of the work is separate from the work done.
For example, if you say, “I work AT Starbucks”, it’s clear you do work related to Starbucks. If you say, “I work FROM Starbucks”, someone might inquire further to find out what exactly you are doing at Starbucks.
I know it sounds simplistic, but since I’ve always said “from” I’ve never had the situation described happen to me. And I’ve been working from home since 1997!
Twitter: Marya_Miller
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Great point about the work FROM home, rather than AT, Jen. Must try it!
I do the same, I say: I work “from” home. Then if they want to know what I do, I tell them that I have an e-business.
I agreed, we have to take our jobs seriously and let everybody else know that we are not goofing around all day.
Twitter: HomeBizGeeks
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When people used to ask me what I do, I’d tell them I own a hosting company, which I run from my home office. Most of the time, I think the concept of business ownership made them respect the home office situation more.
Now that I’m in marketing — hehe — I’m going to tell them that I own a Internet marketing company, which I run out of my home office. In my pajamas. With pink fuzzy slippers. And a bag of chocolate.
Then I’ll watch their heads explode as their chins hit the floor. LOL!
Great points Melissa!
I’m extremely proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish as a stay at home mom who’s developed a full time career income in Network Marketing and not afraid to say it to anyone who ask.
I do however remember those early awkward days when first starting out and not feeling so comfortable in responding to this question.
It was all the self-development that helped build up BELIEF in those early years and to this day I never stop learning and growing!
No job for me baby! It always feels great to say that too!
Decide To Believe!
Sue
Twitter: athomemom
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Interesting! I always get asked “What do you do?” Rather than “Do you work?” My answer is “I’m a freelance writer and I work from home.” Most people don’t think writing is a real job though, so they figure I’m pretending to be the next Stephenie Meyer or something, rather than a content producer. The first thing they want to know is if I write for big magazines. When I say I write for websites, most of them get that glazed look in their eyes and say, “Oh, that must be nice.”
It never occurred to me before I read this post and the comments, but why do we feel compelled reply that we work at home? When people with jobs are asked if they work, they don’t usually reply, “Yes, I work in a building downtown.” They say “Yes, I’m a doctor,” or teacher or waitress or mechanic, etc.
Of course often the next question will be “where?” but if we’ve already named what we do perhaps people won’t be so quick to assume that we mean we stay home doing nothing.
Part of the “confusion” comes from a time when we used the term “work at home” to actually mean that we stayed home and managed the house and the kids. It was an attempt to counteract that very TV watching, bon-bon eating stereotype that Tishia encountered.
When asked where I work, I usually say, “online.”
My favorite reaction to the working at home question was my daughter’s preschool teacher who said that she could never freelance because she like getting a paycheck. I said “I do too, but I get one a few times a week instead of once a month.”
Twitter: AngelaWills
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Great post Melissa!
I like to go to offline networking events whenever I can and I get this question often. I’ve even gone to a networking group once a month where I got to introduce ‘what I do’ to other business owner and I pretty much changed it up every single time – they must be so confused,lol!
I now say I build websites and I’m in online marketing.
Twitter: wendywood
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Ah, yes. The infamous question that I use to dread.
I use to tell people that I work from home doing Internet marketing. I can’t tell you how many times I got a blank look in response or some nasty replies like “Do you REALLY make money from that?” Ugh.
Anyway, I now tell people that I’m self-employed and work out of my home office. Not once have I had someone actually ask what I “do” out of my home office. Which I’m thankful for ’cause it just seems that they don’t get it. LOL
This year marks my 11th year working online and my husband has just “really” gotten what I do in the last year – go figure.
Twitter: buckeyeva
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Last week, at an appointment, the physician asked me if I had a “job”. I replied “no, I own a business”. He went on and asked me “oh, what business is that, what is it”? I replied “I own a marketing business that I run from my home office servicing website designers, authors and virtual assistants.” He preceded to ask me more detailed questions and asked for my business card.
I have found that professionals are more interested in what I “do from home”, where as…employees, are more skeptical…unbelieving and view “work from homers” as …lazy?
I feel bad for the individuals that “punch a clock” who do not “believe” in work from home opportunities. It’s a shame they look down their noses at those of us whom have found success owning and running our own businesses.
Keep on keeping on!!
Twitter: brazilianlinda
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A great post Melissa and I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments!
I also say I work at home and have to repeat: No I mean I WORK at home – on the computer. It goes like this:
- Oh what do you do?
- I am a Web Designer.
- A what? What is that?
- I make the pages you see on the Internet.
- Oh OK… *looks puzzled*
Here in Brazil I have never met anyone who really works form home online. It is very common to stay at home, but working – nope.
Twitter: learningaffil
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I have not quite attain the status of being a work from home person yet although that is the long term goal. I do like the answers you all are giving which will help me practice what I want to say about the issue. Thanks.
Great post! I was just asked the question the other day. He cracked up in a laughter! I realized that thought that I was working at home- as in taking care of the kids. Until I said I was running a business online. I guess the other thing is that we have to take our job seriously for others to take it seriously.
Hey Melissa,
Great Post!
The reactions and expressions I use to get from my family, friends, and strangers when asked what I did for a living was almost comical…
Yes, I am speaking English it’s not Greek, and no I’m not an alien from another planet…
So, these days I keep my mouth shut and say very little about what I do, unless I’m talking with someone who appears to have a brain and might know alittle something about IM…
But, that rarely happens.
Oh Well, I’ll just keep doing my thing and oneday I’ll let my Success do my talking for me…
Take care all,
See You At The Top!
Vic Boxwell
Rockville, MD
United States
Twitter: jennschwilling
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My favorite variety of the question when I’m out with the kids is “so, do you *do* anything?” I want to say “Yeah, I do little back flips if you watch me long enough.” Like I’m some wind up toy or something…geeze… “What I usually say is “I’m a consultant and do a little bit of writing here and there” which makes most people assume I work out of the home part time. I usually don’t take the time to correct them… I’m too busy to deal with goofballs who ask a woman with four kids “do you *do* anything?”
Twitter: AngelaWills
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@Jenn I guess they figure those four kids raise themselves? Geeze!!! lol
@everyone Loving hearing all these answers and to see that it’s definitely not an uncommon problem. I keep challenging myself to create an intro that leaves people fascinating and wanting to know more – I’ll let you know when I figure it out. ha.
I love trying to describe my online business as a virtual assistant! Ha! But, as soon as I say “I’m a writer and specialize in writing blog posts, articles and other content you see on the web” they get it.
Twitter: imsweetie
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Thank you all for taking the time to share your own story with me and others! It’s interesting to hear of the different approaches to this question
I get asked the, “Do you work?” question because I’m usually with my kids, so I guess they don’t want to assume I work when I have such young children.
It really boggles my mind that people still don’t realize that online businesses are just as commonplace as offline ones. And you don’t have to be a corporate giant to run one either, lol!
Jenn, it is interesting to note that saying FROM instead of AT really does change the way it comes across. I’ve said it both ways, but I guess the people I told didn’t get the distinction and still assumed I was talking about my kids.
Melissa, this is a great post. Like you, I have four young children ranging in age from 3yrs to 9yrs. I definitely notice people asking me about what I do more when they’re out with me – which happens to be a lot. I’m also amazed that so many are surprised to learn that you can earn a comfortable living running an ebusiness.
I don’t get this question a lot, I have 6 kids and we’re homeschooling, so people just assume I don’t have time for anything else. One of my husband’s friends was trying to sell me a used laptop a few years ago and he kept telling me to “ask my husband to buy it for me.” It really honked me off because my income is our family’s whole income. Why would I need to ask permission? Today, I outsource to that guy. Yep, he works for me.
Twitter: jenknox
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That has to make you feel good!! Wow, if someone said that to me…well, it wouldn’t be pretty!
Good for you!
Twitter: casualeveryday
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Yes, they are. Totally clueless. All of them. lol
I don’t talk about the work I do from home, because being a Mom {for me} is how I identify myself. I’m sure, when the kids are older, I’ll transition into my career more.
So I just leave it as me being a stay at home Mom. That allows me to leave the conversation rather quickly, too.
Interesting post, Melissa. Obviously it has struck a cord with your readers.
Nell
I usually say that I work from home (which I do most of the time, although I also spend some time at client’s offices). However I also work at home in the sense of child care but I wouldn’t use that phrase as I don’t consider it work, more vocational.
It usually depends on who the person is asking and what kind of mood I’m in that day when I answer “What do you do?”, most of the time I just tell them I’m a stay at home mom.
It’s sometimes frustrating that people don’t understand, but it’s their problem. We’re making a living from home. Isn’t that everyones dream?